wHy??

why is this feeling is there?
it is eating me from inside..can't stand it..
tracking back...how do we 1st meet??
y in the first i became comfortable wif u..
y wud i say yes for the trip??
then slowly the bond grow..living in the daily life..
until i can't run away from it..
i realize i already falling into it..
i'm trapped...
then from PRN basis it is BD..then it is TDS..Then it is QID..
Then it becomes a must..seeing whenever there is time..lunch..coffee..dinner and supper..
sumhow from a norm wakie call into early morning conversation
spending time togather..
alwiz being ask to be by his side...~coffee wif madam..seeing gudfren..pick up stuff..packing up stuff..be there whenever gloomy and doomy time..waiting to go back..sharing secrets and spice of life..
sumhow later i know i've been appreciated as sumone important..at least dats wat he said..
He manage to convince me how beautiful love dat time wud be...
and i go wif the flow
Perhaps dat my mistakes.....
Then occasionally we chit chatting between us..hearing each other for hours..without telling anyone..having dinner and few break-fast togather..watching movie..
at dat time i reminded myself not to be too sure...
we neva knew..
but the way u lead me is very confusing...
then there come 'loving heart' between us...
u said it is everything in it..i ask for more details..
ur answer ~everyhting related to it...very vague...how am i supposed to react??
wat am i supposed to take it as ??
the gift was very meaning ful..and it will alwiz be meaningful..forever
and u urself say dat it is very meaningful...
i accept it with open arm dear...
then comes the day u r finally leaving my day....
my daily life...
u'll be faraway from me..
the truth is, i am afraid of losing u!
too afraid......
u convince me..convince us everything wud be da same..i hold onto it...
during the last week..last moment we are here togather i feel elated
feel appreciated
feel ur love...
and i know it is true the day before u leave...
it will forever b our secret...
thereafter....
we alwiz have msgs and morning msgs....
u hav said dat u will neva stopped...
u will neva forget to do it...
but it lasted for not so long..
but it heals well when we see each other to 1 weekend we hav been longing..
i have a wonderful weekend wif u...
it means a lot!
a lot to me...
to us...
the setting...
the place..
the events..
the clothing..
the gifts...
the moments dat we hav...
but y do it ends there???
i'm loosing u bits by bits...
day and nite waiting...
but it seems everything end....
but u said it wasn't so..
then there were everything in between that drive me further way from u.......
i need to choose of my heart or her heart...
but i need u to choose...
my heart or her....
y wud a simple text like 'i miss u' hurt me much.......
y wud a care and loved to her put a deep cut in my heart.....
and she tells me dat a person like me needs u by my side as my mate on the wedding day to boost my self esteem...
is it??
dats wat i am to u?
and u on the other hand when i said u r juz a plus one..
asked me back..is that all...
wats dat about??
and there u are keep on pushing me to bring her to u...
wat game r u playing??
y can't i play along wif u.....
i juz cant't
and dat last time..all i need was a dear too hear me out..soothering me..
not a person whom i'm not sure who u r dat time...
turning all the way to me...
i juz need a shoulder to cry on..
all i ask is to hear me out...
juz as simple as dat...
and u came...
in my heart He knows how glowing my life is.....
but i juz cant shine it out
cant share the light
but i'm hoping u to see thru it...
know from inside
but we failed to communicate.....
worst part things not went well...
but i am not dat cruel
i respect her care and love
and there u goes...all wif her
it hurts me badly when u guys are a match...
maybe it is fated....
then..
everything is towards her....
wat r u trying to say??
can't u see i'm torn???
r u too blind to see??

my Q to u is only one...

If she, she she can c my feeling thru..y cant u??
y r u not giving answer to wat it is

Bleeding LOVE

LOVE ...simple word..but i have difficulty interpreting it...after almost 2 year of emptiness y do i open up to sumone which i know will hav no ends..but this feeling cant be controlled.It is not dat everyday we fall in love..and to me it is not about look..it is how we are connected..u and me..how we feel each other..understanding..but i guess too much time togather, too much open up leading to route dat we wud neva expected...

and i have give in and loosen here and there for diz..

and know i reach an end..i dunno where shud i go...i dunno wat i shud do..

to continue wif sumone like him is almost impossible

He is alwiz with the look, the perception, the up class taste..

Not to be with him is one thing that wud be more realistic..

but now, at this moment it is juz hard to do it..Not after months of things said and done...

But to love everyday with a question mark is sumthing i can't live wif...

and to juz seat and watch as the stories goes i am drowning in my own world...

~edryssa~