wHy??

why is this feeling is there?
it is eating me from inside..can't stand it..
tracking back...how do we 1st meet??
y in the first i became comfortable wif u..
y wud i say yes for the trip??
then slowly the bond grow..living in the daily life..
until i can't run away from it..
i realize i already falling into it..
i'm trapped...
then from PRN basis it is BD..then it is TDS..Then it is QID..
Then it becomes a must..seeing whenever there is time..lunch..coffee..dinner and supper..
sumhow from a norm wakie call into early morning conversation
spending time togather..
alwiz being ask to be by his side...~coffee wif madam..seeing gudfren..pick up stuff..packing up stuff..be there whenever gloomy and doomy time..waiting to go back..sharing secrets and spice of life..
sumhow later i know i've been appreciated as sumone important..at least dats wat he said..
He manage to convince me how beautiful love dat time wud be...
and i go wif the flow
Perhaps dat my mistakes.....
Then occasionally we chit chatting between us..hearing each other for hours..without telling anyone..having dinner and few break-fast togather..watching movie..
at dat time i reminded myself not to be too sure...
we neva knew..
but the way u lead me is very confusing...
then there come 'loving heart' between us...
u said it is everything in it..i ask for more details..
ur answer ~everyhting related to it...very vague...how am i supposed to react??
wat am i supposed to take it as ??
the gift was very meaning ful..and it will alwiz be meaningful..forever
and u urself say dat it is very meaningful...
i accept it with open arm dear...
then comes the day u r finally leaving my day....
my daily life...
u'll be faraway from me..
the truth is, i am afraid of losing u!
too afraid......
u convince me..convince us everything wud be da same..i hold onto it...
during the last week..last moment we are here togather i feel elated
feel appreciated
feel ur love...
and i know it is true the day before u leave...
it will forever b our secret...
thereafter....
we alwiz have msgs and morning msgs....
u hav said dat u will neva stopped...
u will neva forget to do it...
but it lasted for not so long..
but it heals well when we see each other to 1 weekend we hav been longing..
i have a wonderful weekend wif u...
it means a lot!
a lot to me...
to us...
the setting...
the place..
the events..
the clothing..
the gifts...
the moments dat we hav...
but y do it ends there???
i'm loosing u bits by bits...
day and nite waiting...
but it seems everything end....
but u said it wasn't so..
then there were everything in between that drive me further way from u.......
i need to choose of my heart or her heart...
but i need u to choose...
my heart or her....
y wud a simple text like 'i miss u' hurt me much.......
y wud a care and loved to her put a deep cut in my heart.....
and she tells me dat a person like me needs u by my side as my mate on the wedding day to boost my self esteem...
is it??
dats wat i am to u?
and u on the other hand when i said u r juz a plus one..
asked me back..is that all...
wats dat about??
and there u are keep on pushing me to bring her to u...
wat game r u playing??
y can't i play along wif u.....
i juz cant't
and dat last time..all i need was a dear too hear me out..soothering me..
not a person whom i'm not sure who u r dat time...
turning all the way to me...
i juz need a shoulder to cry on..
all i ask is to hear me out...
juz as simple as dat...
and u came...
in my heart He knows how glowing my life is.....
but i juz cant shine it out
cant share the light
but i'm hoping u to see thru it...
know from inside
but we failed to communicate.....
worst part things not went well...
but i am not dat cruel
i respect her care and love
and there u goes...all wif her
it hurts me badly when u guys are a match...
maybe it is fated....
then..
everything is towards her....
wat r u trying to say??
can't u see i'm torn???
r u too blind to see??

my Q to u is only one...

If she, she she can c my feeling thru..y cant u??
y r u not giving answer to wat it is